So, I was dating this guy... I liked him well enough I guess... I mean... my options were slim at the time he came along. He had some good things to say but he was COMPLETELY opposite of anybody I ever thought I would be interested in. He was loud, always had to be the center of attention, and he made me "check him" quite often. But, he had a way with words so I couldn't really tell if he was joking, so I just let a lot of things go. He had a good amount of life goals that I was "here for" and I needed some direction. Everything in my life seemed to be in shambles at the time, and by everything I mean, EV-ER-Y-THING. I had a few things going for me... sort of. I graduated from school, but that left me in debt. I had an decent paying job with benefits, but I got really sick and accumulated medical debt. The truth is, I KNEW he wasn't what I wanted but he talked a good game and he had his own money. When I say he had is own money, "I Mean HE HAD HIS OWN MONEY (Coming to American reference)." I'm not a gold digger, and I managed to make myself believe his money and the things he promised me didn't motivate me to stay with him. Lies.
Things were cool in the beginning even though I started feeling like I couldn't take him anywhere. There was this one time at the gas station a guy held the door open for us; instead of giving him a simple "thanks man," he had to open his BIG mouth and say "Hey, thanks amigo! You're not all bad after all!" The gentleman was Hispanic. SMH. But, I could get over stuff like that... I didn't think he really meant any harm by it. However, I did make sure we stayed inside because "'ain't nobody got time to be getting shot fooling with no man". As time progressed, the amount of things that made me give him side eye drastically increased. I remember a time when we had to wait in the lobby of a restaurant for a table. While waiting, a group of white guys walked in wearing confederate flag shirts and a couple of them had Nazi swastikas tattooed on their arms. One of the guys looked at him and said, "Oh, you got yourself a cute Ni*g3r huh?" Oh... did I mention my BF was white? So, I looked at my BF and he looked at the Nazi guy and said, "Thanks!" Soooo yeah.... needless to say we were arguing SO loud in that lobby the hostess came out and told us to leave! While we were walking out, one of the Nazi guys was like, "Yeah! Get that criminal under control!" When we got outside and I looked at that BEAUTIFUL white Ranger Rover we were about to get into, I started to calm down. I mean... he was right. They DID say I was cute, AND not all the guys were talking, it was really only one. So, in a way he was right. I needed to give them the benefit of the doubt; not all of them were jerks. I calmed down, I got over it, I looked at the bigger picture.
For the most part I was fine, but something hit me like a ton of bricks one day. I was becoming just like him! I found myself becoming completely out of touch with who I was and where I came from. I laughed at jokes that I wouldn't normally think were funny. I didn't make eye contact and smile at homeless people... I thought they were all crooks. It got to the point where I hated myself when I looked in the mirror which made me hate other people even more! I was going IN on people on FaceBook if they said something I didn't like. I was becoming a crazy person. So, I broke up with him... and his plans/money. Come to find out, this dude didn't even have any money. The money he had came from his parents and everything else was just "company" stuff.
I felt dumb. Completely unlike myself. I had to go around making so many apologies to friends and family members for the things he said to them. It was while trying to win one of my closest friends back that I truly realized that everything I was willing to overlook was all for my personal gain. I felt ashamed to see how many people he and I hurt in the process. Silly me. He never gave me a single thing he promised. Instead, he took so much from me...my friends, my hope in humanity, my ability to turn the other cheek, my genuine love and care for people who had less than me, my ability to be content and happy with the things I DID have, my ability to empathize...the list goes on. Instead, I was laser focused on was how he could help me get a piece of the American Pie. Every man for himself. I even found myself energized by his "tell it like it is" personality... when it was nothing shy of cruel.
If you are in a relationship like this one, I encourage you to get out, or at least consider the possibility that the things this man is promising you might not be worth what you are losing in the process.
Ok, Ok... I never dated a guy like this... but perhaps we can exchange the Range Rover for lower taxes. Exchange the guy in the restaurant with the Nazis in Charlottesville... you get the point.